1. Everyone has a “thing.” What’s yours? Well, I do love the underbelly of cinema, the neglected, marginal, forgotten and misbegotten. I s’pose I’m like the Statue Of Liberty for schlock: give me your wired, your jumbled, your incoherent movie messes, and I’ll watch ‘em and try to find something worthwhile, funny and/or interesting to say about them. 2. What’s your backstory? Born in a crossfire hurricane, raised in western Sydney, reared on B movies in the glory days of VHS, did a whole lotta crappy jobs and some good ones, before winding up a movie critic who’s kinda obsessed with freaked-out flicks. The circle of life, eh? 3. Name your karaoke song (and don’t be shy). You don’t wanna hear me warble. But if I were to torture your ears, it’d be the obscure “All Touch” by Rough Trade. So, that’d be me trying to sound like a Canadian lesbian New Wave songstress, circa 1982. Be afraid. Be very afraid. 4. Who are your biggest influences? Apart from Rough Trade? I love the clever wordsmiths, folks like David Sedaris , Chuck Klosterman , A.J. Jacobs and Spalding Gray , and the quick-witted funnymen like Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert . Make me laugh and think and you’re my hero. 5. What is it you most dislike? Never having enough time to do everything. That and assholes. 6. Whose job would you like to steal? I’d like to take Anthony Lane ’s job. Write a couple thousand great words about a movie or two for The New Yorker once a fortnight. The rest of the time I could indulge my new passion: building a solar-powered superman out of bits scavenged from the dumpsters outside of Radio Shack and hospital emergency departments. Mwu-hahaha. 7. What was your best date? Dinner party at a friend’s joint. Almost didn’t go because I was mega hungover. Wound up with a wife and kid out of it. Not that first night, mind you. 8. What was your worst? My first ever date. Simone. I only half liked her but I invited her to the premiere of Cocoon . Tried to hold her hand, because I thought I should. She pulled away. Awkward and embarrassing, compounded by the fact that I just wasn’t that into her. So, that was last week and I’m still recovering. Kidding – I was 14. 9. When I wake up in the middle of the night its because I’ve had a nightmare that I’m ___ . Stuck forever in a cinema showing Cocoon , watching old farts returning to their youth, with a half-erection over a girl I don’t find that attractive. No, wait, that was a Twilight Zone episode I saw one time. 10. I feel my best when I’m wearing ___ . At the moment, it’s when I’m wearing head gear, kneepads, elbow pads, shin guards, groin protector, 16-ounce boxing gloves and a mouthguard. Before you think that’s some sort of sex thing, let me assure you it’s because I’m learning Krav Maga, a crazy-ass form of self-defence that, at present, involved me getting punched and kicked a helluva lot. Without the gear, I’d be sucking pureed food through a straw while my four-year-old daughter answered *my* questions about why puppies noses are wet. 11. Please settle the debate: New York or LA? New York City, represent. It’s my favorite place on Earth. You can walk everywhere, the people come in all shapes and sizes, the place pulses with mental energy good and bad, and it’s always happening. That and you can be assured that Roland Emmerich will destroy the place every few years with a tidal wave, alien laser beam or giant prehistoric lizard. 12. What’s on your playlist at this very moment? The King Khan & BBQ Show’s self-titled album. Somehow these guys manage to fuse virtually every rock and blues and punk sound into these quirky, genuine and weirdly singable little ditties. They’re fucking awesome, but I’m mixing it up with Them Crooked Vultures and Brant Bjork because, like, he wears a bandana, sunglasses and sings about spacemen, so you know he’s always gonna be more stoned that you. 13. What are you watching on TV? The Wire . I caught the first season back when it first aired and I was all like, “Wow, amazing!” and no-one knew what I was talking about. Then I missed the other seasons and suddenly it’s The Best Show Ever. Which it is. So I’m finally catching up, having been both behind and ahead of the curve on that one. Also: The Soup – I would love Joel McHale’s job; he’s one of the great ones. 14. If you alone held the power to pick a boyfriend for Jennifer Aniston, who would you pick? I like Jen, I really do, but damn am I sick of hearing about whether she’s in love, out of love, lonely or not. So, I’d have to say someone who she couldn’t ever break up with. Jason Vorhees? Or is that cruel? 15. Given the chance, would you rather hang out with George Clooney or Robert Downey Jr.? Tough call. I think Clooney’s cool and all but I’m thinking Downey Jr would be funnier. Plus he’d have the best drug stories. 16. If you were a character on any movie or TV show, past or present, who would you be? I called it when I was seven: Han Solo. What’s not to love? He has the best pet, cool threads, never ages, gets the girl, and blows plenty of shit up in the name of cosmic righteousness. So, him. Or maybe Joe Dirt. 17. What is your drug of choice? My body is a temple — just one of those kinda ancient ones that’ve seen their share of looters over the years. I enjoy vandalizing myself with beer, the odd joint, and, most stupidly, I still fire up cigarettes when I’m drunk. Still, it’s better than back in the day, when I was kinda the human equivalent of a chemically soaked New Jersey wasteland. 18. What’s the last thing you think about before falling asleep at night? That one day I’m gonna be asked to answer oddball questions by a prestigious new media outlet. So, I practice coming up with true-but-entertainingly offbeat answers that make me sound about 12.4 % cooler and 16.5% more interesting than I actually am. Holy shit! It’s happening? How did I do? Michael Adams is a movie critic from Sydney, Australia. He embarked on a quest to watch one bad movie a day for a year, and the resulting book , Showgirls, Teen Wolves, and Astro Zombies , is out now. Post from: Crushable
